Born on a mischievious night in 1969, in Keighley, West Yorkshire UK, local doilum “Captain Hotknives” initially got into the Sex Pistols, Black Sabbath, and The Clash. Jimi Hendrix has also been a big influence, although he did not help with the maths exams. Initially, Captain Hotknives was a bassist in various bands from late teens to early thirties, when a gap between bands inspired a move to doing solo stuff. Unhindered by concepts such as “being able to sing”, or “making words which rhyme”, the first two albums were recorded in the top of a terraced house. “The Pigeons Told Me to Shoplift” and “Blarneystoner” were then largely given away to random people at the back of pubs, resulting in the beginning of ‘The Longest Slowest Tour wi the most Gaps ever’, which is haphazardly continuing to this day. Tackling subjects such as begging, solvent abuse, pigeon hypnosis, skankin yr nana, the pathetic nature of petty racism and the terrible quality of muffins on trains, the lyrics are improvised stories over simple riffs. Having found that giving up on success brings an artistic freedom of sorts, you may well meet him in a field but probably not see him on any telly. Captain Hotknives is also occasionally to be found playing bass for Babar Luck. No one was hurt during the making of this biog.